faterecanted | [action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear

Entry tags:

[action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear

[Van is having a rough time of it today. First he woke up to find that there had been some alterations while he was sleeping. What should be normal human ears have been replaced by cat ears. Big, fuzzy cat ears, which are apparently highly mobile. They're currently spending most of their time pinned back against his skull in displeasure.

And that's to say nothing of the tail.

Not only that, but when he was getting dressed, he found a pair of boots that he was certain weren't his. Oh, but they were very nice boots. The leather was so soft, and they had such nice trim, and... But no. He was not going to wear someone else's boots. Except... he just... couldn't... resist...

And the minutes those boots were on came the absolute certainty that someone out there in that village needed him. There were problems that needed solving, and only his wit, charm, cunning, and deviously underhanded trickery could possibly do! That and amazing footwear.

If only he knew whose problems they were.

No matter! He has a job to do, and a silly little thing like not knowing what it is is not enough to stop Vandesdelcat Musto Fende! He will search the entire village, stop everyone on the street, until he finds his beloved Mast-

...Something is not right here.

Nevertheless, he is compelled. He cannot resist it, no matter how he tries. He will indeed stop everyone he meets on the street, searching for that one person whose bidding he must do. Is it you?]

Excuse me! Wait! Is there something you need help with? Something that requires... cunning?

[Little does he know... it's not just one person.

It's everyone.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[lololol okay this.

This is a beautiful thing.

And Asch is not one to laugh idly, oh no. He prefers his humour to be sardonic, biting, a casual, mocking smirk at someone else's expense. Possibly involving the ruin of a replica's mental well-being. You know, as an added bonus.

But this? If that pathetic strangling of a word was the one that Asch realizes, belatedly, it might have been? Yeah, this is comedy gold. If he didn't already hate them so much he would tip his hat at the Malnosso.

...And if he had a hat. He doesn't, obviously. But he does have a barely-suppressed smile slowly crossing his lips as he turns away to head off.]

Pick up coffee, eggs, and milk while you're there.

[Asch better enjoy it while he can, because when this is over, he will be paying for it in tears.

So many tears.

Just to spite him, Van is going to steal his shopping list from other people's kitchens so he can say Asch made him do it. Naturally, this means he doesn't get caught once.

Damn.

Not too long later, he will sulk his way back to CH2 (with coffee, eggs, and milk) and on into the kitchen area, hoping fervently that Asch isn't there.

The relevant question here isn't "will fate smile upon him?" It's "when has fate ever smiled upon Vandesdelca Musto Fende?" Not today. No, certainly not today.]

[Asch is, in fact, chillin' like a villain in the kitchen, waiting for Van's arrival as he reads one of his Dawn Age texts. Because showing off the cool stuff he has from Auldrant that Van doesn't is a fabulous idea when Van can't do anything about it. ~~even if it's just the fairy tale book that Luke wrecked~~

He barely looks up as Van arrives, mostly because he's pretty sure he'll just start smirking at the man's appearance and not be able to stop.]

[Van does not care about silly fairy tale books. (If only he knew...)

If Asch wasn't smirking before, he'll definitely start smirking now. With nary a glance in his direction, Van sets the groceries on the counter and pulls out two items, which he dons with exaggerated dignity: a plain white apron and a bandana to tie over his hair. It's not as though Asch hasn't seen this before, either; but the cat ears just make everything funnier.

He then sets to work on starting the rice and stock for dinner, slamming pots and pans down in a cacophonous symphony of domestic displeasure.

Hope Asch didn't want it quiet so he could read.]

[Asch finally glances over at Van, the noise only serving to earn his attention. And swiftly his amusement, as he hastily looks away again, because oh god the ears and tail just makes the entire ensemble ridiculous. As angry as he's going to make Van over the course of the day, this is really worth it. So little amuses him these days.

He lifts the mug resting on the table at which he's seated, tapping it against the wood surface twice.]

Make some coffee, I need a refill.

[Van glances back over his shoulder with a glare that could fell behemoths. But does his enforced loyalty extend to being polite to his Master? (Ugh, just thinking it leaves a sour taste in his mouth.)]

All of my many skills at your command and you want coffee. Idiot. [Apparently not.

...He finishes washing the rice and starts the coffee anyway.]

[Now see, that attitude is why he doesn't call you 'Master' anymore. You just can't think positive, can you?

Asch calmly flips a page, jotting down a little note in a smaller book before tucking it back into his shirt.]

The only skill I'm interested in right now is your cooking. If you'd rather I tell you to kill a few people and make a name for yourself, I could try that after dinner.

[...Van was disappointed in Asch's general use of leverage, after so many years of observing a master; but he has to give him points back for that one. Well played, Asch. Well played. Very good.

Still be paying for it later, though.]

So you were paying attention after all. [He'll be taking that mug now. And perhaps not even considering adding dish soap to it, or anything else equally petty and childish.] Though we both know you wouldn't do it.

You know that I'm always paying attention. [Take now for example; he's quietly aware of what Van is doing behind him, regardless of where his eyes are turned.] And whether or not I would is irrelevant- it's enough that you know I could. In this place, it would be your word against mine, and I've got the advantage.

[What Van is doing is starting the stock for dinner while he leaves the rice to soak, and waiting for the coffee to brew. He's quiet for a long time. Almost disconcertingly long.

There were ways Asch could have followed that threat that would have made Van proud of him. There were ways he could have followed that threat that would have made Van indifferent. He has managed, through gross miscalculation, to hit upon the one way he could have followed that threat that has made Van honestly disgusted with him.]

Yet never attention enough. [Van's tone is glacial. He's never been indulgent with Asch the way he was with the replica, but it's still a rare occasion that his voice is this devoid of warmth.] Your advantage is that I've neither reason nor reputation for violence, and am content to leave it that way.

This isn't Auldrant, Asch. I want you. I don't need you.

[He sets the refilled mug down at Asch's place. Coffee always goes so well with rejection.]

[Asch's response may surprise Van, at least in part; he looks at his old master for the first time since his arrival, all amusement gone from his expression, and scoffs. Actually scoffs. It's a quiet sound, muffled by tightly-closed lips, but undeniably there.]

You don't need me in Auldrant, either. You think you do, but I know better.

[He looks away again, but this time to shut his book. He can't read anymore, not with the joke suddenly ruined by that.]

Besides, if you don't need me, why would you want anything to do with me? All you've ever cared about is how useful I was to your plans.

[Mmmmhmmm. Van doesn't look up from the work he's returned to at the counter, slicing up a chicken breast and dropping the pieces in a bowl of marinade. The words that have just come out of Asch's mouth are apparently so clueless, a dead bird is more worthy of his master's attention than he is.

When he does respond, the low, caressing purr of the tone is at complete odds with the implications of the words.]

Don't you think you'd have been more useful, if I'd kept you as stupid as your replica? When I brought you to Daath, I didn't need another soldier.

You were always my favorite. I had such hopes for you.

[Had. There's a flash of a scowl that crosses Asch's expression, with him concealing it as quickly as humanly possible after the fact. He doesn't care- like hell he'd care. He's moved past the desperate need for Van's approval and attention, right?

...Right? Right.]

Maybe you should rethink the idea of wasting your time on me, then.

[He's trying - perhaps a little too hard, but trying nonetheless - to make it clear that that lack of need is mutual.]

Right now, I don't have any choice in the matter.

[Whether he needs Asch or not, he'd currently be thrilled to be well away from him; but Asch apparently needs dinner. Truthfully, if Asch had asked this of him any other day, he'd have done it without complaint just to curry favor. It isn't as though cooking a meal is difficult. In fact (though Asch has to understand the sort of hornet's nest he's kicking with this), until that last threat he'd still had little complaint with Asch. Oh, he has much to complain about where the situation is concerned, but it's hard to blame Asch for it. Some opportunities are just too good to pass by. Van understands.

...But that is no guarantee of eventual mercy. Van is a killer, but a killer by choice. Woe upon the person that ever tries again to use his as a weapon, a thing for their own gain. There are some grievances Vandesdelca Musto Fende will never forget.]

Maybe you should rethink dinner.

You're the one who practically begged me to give you some kind of task. If you'd rather be out embarrassing yourself in public again instead of here, I wouldn't lose any sleep over releasing you.

[It would be even better if he were forced to go back out while still wearing that ridiculous little outfit. Suddenly the option of kicking Van out of the building is even more tempting.]

["By all means. This is a farce and you are ungrateful and I am tired of wasting my severely limited time on your moods."

...At least, that's what Van meant to say. The experiment, unfortunately, has other ideas.]

But my master, I have always served you so faithfully and asked for nothing; why would you speak so cruelly to your dearest companion?

[And Asch gets the privilege of witnessing Van grow progressively more perplexed with every word that comes out of his mouth, until he is plainly dumbfounded by the end of the question. Did those words just come out of his mouth?

Surely those words did not just come out of his mouth?

What just happened here?]

[................

D-did he really just...

...say all that...

...and his face...

Asch doesn't know whether he wants to laugh again or weep for the broken state of his mind right now. So he just stares instead.]

[Let's try that again, shall we?

"I am leaving. I'll speak to you again after this madness is over and you've regained the good sense to mind your words, which I'm certain I taught you."]I

I'm even making your favorite. You should just relax until your meal is ready, and I'm certain you won't feel like saying such things.

[That was... slightly better? But still not at all what he was trying to say!

He just... He just... You know what, he has onions to slice.]

[THUNK. Which is the sound of Asch's forehead smacking against the book on the table as he buries his face in his arms. He cannot take this. He really cannot take this. It's actually hurting his head.]

Just... shut up and cook...

You're the one that had to have dinner. [That is exactly what Van meant to say... and he was sort of expecting he wouldn't be able to say it. So he can't leave, and he can't threaten to leave...

And apparently he's not obligated to listen to more than one order at a time, because he's not shutting up, and Asch can't make him.]

Did you miss my cooking that much?

[Asch glances up at that, brows lifting slightly. That sounds... normal, actually. So it manifests when whatever stupid "goal" is affecting him suddenly is in jeopardy? Huh. Okay, mental note to avoid that. He'd rather not get more brainbreak.

As for the question... oi. He doesn't need that attention either.]

I don't miss anything. It was the only request I could come up with on the spot to make you leave me alone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject