faterecanted | [action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear

[Van is having a rough time of it today. First he woke up to find that there had been some alterations while he was sleeping. What should be normal human ears have been replaced by cat ears. Big, fuzzy cat ears, which are apparently highly mobile. They're currently spending most of their time pinned back against his skull in displeasure.

And that's to say nothing of the tail.

Not only that, but when he was getting dressed, he found a pair of boots that he was certain weren't his. Oh, but they were very nice boots. The leather was so soft, and they had such nice trim, and... But no. He was not going to wear someone else's boots. Except... he just... couldn't... resist...

And the minutes those boots were on came the absolute certainty that someone out there in that village needed him. There were problems that needed solving, and only his wit, charm, cunning, and deviously underhanded trickery could possibly do! That and amazing footwear.

If only he knew whose problems they were.

No matter! He has a job to do, and a silly little thing like not knowing what it is is not enough to stop Vandesdelcat Musto Fende! He will search the entire village, stop everyone on the street, until he finds his beloved Mast-

...Something is not right here.

Nevertheless, he is compelled. He cannot resist it, no matter how he tries. He will indeed stop everyone he meets on the street, searching for that one person whose bidding he must do. Is it you?]

Excuse me! Wait! Is there something you need help with? Something that requires... cunning?

[Little does he know... it's not just one person.

It's everyone.]

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[Mmmmhmmm. Van doesn't look up from the work he's returned to at the counter, slicing up a chicken breast and dropping the pieces in a bowl of marinade. The words that have just come out of Asch's mouth are apparently so clueless, a dead bird is more worthy of his master's attention than he is.

When he does respond, the low, caressing purr of the tone is at complete odds with the implications of the words.]

Don't you think you'd have been more useful, if I'd kept you as stupid as your replica? When I brought you to Daath, I didn't need another soldier.

You were always my favorite. I had such hopes for you.

[Had. There's a flash of a scowl that crosses Asch's expression, with him concealing it as quickly as humanly possible after the fact. He doesn't care- like hell he'd care. He's moved past the desperate need for Van's approval and attention, right?

...Right? Right.]

Maybe you should rethink the idea of wasting your time on me, then.

[He's trying - perhaps a little too hard, but trying nonetheless - to make it clear that that lack of need is mutual.]

Right now, I don't have any choice in the matter.

[Whether he needs Asch or not, he'd currently be thrilled to be well away from him; but Asch apparently needs dinner. Truthfully, if Asch had asked this of him any other day, he'd have done it without complaint just to curry favor. It isn't as though cooking a meal is difficult. In fact (though Asch has to understand the sort of hornet's nest he's kicking with this), until that last threat he'd still had little complaint with Asch. Oh, he has much to complain about where the situation is concerned, but it's hard to blame Asch for it. Some opportunities are just too good to pass by. Van understands.

...But that is no guarantee of eventual mercy. Van is a killer, but a killer by choice. Woe upon the person that ever tries again to use his as a weapon, a thing for their own gain. There are some grievances Vandesdelca Musto Fende will never forget.]

Maybe you should rethink dinner.

You're the one who practically begged me to give you some kind of task. If you'd rather be out embarrassing yourself in public again instead of here, I wouldn't lose any sleep over releasing you.

[It would be even better if he were forced to go back out while still wearing that ridiculous little outfit. Suddenly the option of kicking Van out of the building is even more tempting.]

["By all means. This is a farce and you are ungrateful and I am tired of wasting my severely limited time on your moods."

...At least, that's what Van meant to say. The experiment, unfortunately, has other ideas.]

But my master, I have always served you so faithfully and asked for nothing; why would you speak so cruelly to your dearest companion?

[And Asch gets the privilege of witnessing Van grow progressively more perplexed with every word that comes out of his mouth, until he is plainly dumbfounded by the end of the question. Did those words just come out of his mouth?

Surely those words did not just come out of his mouth?

What just happened here?]

[................

D-did he really just...

...say all that...

...and his face...

Asch doesn't know whether he wants to laugh again or weep for the broken state of his mind right now. So he just stares instead.]

[Let's try that again, shall we?

"I am leaving. I'll speak to you again after this madness is over and you've regained the good sense to mind your words, which I'm certain I taught you."]I

I'm even making your favorite. You should just relax until your meal is ready, and I'm certain you won't feel like saying such things.

[That was... slightly better? But still not at all what he was trying to say!

He just... He just... You know what, he has onions to slice.]

[THUNK. Which is the sound of Asch's forehead smacking against the book on the table as he buries his face in his arms. He cannot take this. He really cannot take this. It's actually hurting his head.]

Just... shut up and cook...

You're the one that had to have dinner. [That is exactly what Van meant to say... and he was sort of expecting he wouldn't be able to say it. So he can't leave, and he can't threaten to leave...

And apparently he's not obligated to listen to more than one order at a time, because he's not shutting up, and Asch can't make him.]

Did you miss my cooking that much?

[Asch glances up at that, brows lifting slightly. That sounds... normal, actually. So it manifests when whatever stupid "goal" is affecting him suddenly is in jeopardy? Huh. Okay, mental note to avoid that. He'd rather not get more brainbreak.

As for the question... oi. He doesn't need that attention either.]

I don't miss anything. It was the only request I could come up with on the spot to make you leave me alone.

[action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear

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