Van Grants (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
faterecanted) wrote2011-09-29 02:46 pm
faterecanted) wrote2011-09-29 02:46 pm
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[action] Vandesdelcat in Magnificent Footwear
[Van is having a rough time of it today. First he woke up to find that there had been some alterations while he was sleeping. What should be normal human ears have been replaced by cat ears. Big, fuzzy cat ears, which are apparently highly mobile. They're currently spending most of their time pinned back against his skull in displeasure.
And that's to say nothing of the tail.
Not only that, but when he was getting dressed, he found a pair of boots that he was certain weren't his. Oh, but they were very nice boots. The leather was so soft, and they had such nice trim, and... But no. He was not going to wear someone else's boots. Except... he just... couldn't... resist...
And the minutes those boots were on came the absolute certainty that someone out there in that village needed him. There were problems that needed solving, and only his wit, charm, cunning, and deviously underhanded trickery could possibly do! That and amazing footwear.
If only he knew whose problems they were.
No matter! He has a job to do, and a silly little thing like not knowing what it is is not enough to stop Vandesdelcat Musto Fende! He will search the entire village, stop everyone on the street, until he finds his beloved Mast-
...Something is not right here.
Nevertheless, he is compelled. He cannot resist it, no matter how he tries. He will indeed stop everyone he meets on the street, searching for that one person whose bidding he must do. Is it you?]
Excuse me! Wait! Is there something you need help with? Something that requires... cunning?
[Little does he know... it's not just one person.
It's everyone.]
And that's to say nothing of the tail.
Not only that, but when he was getting dressed, he found a pair of boots that he was certain weren't his. Oh, but they were very nice boots. The leather was so soft, and they had such nice trim, and... But no. He was not going to wear someone else's boots. Except... he just... couldn't... resist...
And the minutes those boots were on came the absolute certainty that someone out there in that village needed him. There were problems that needed solving, and only his wit, charm, cunning, and deviously underhanded trickery could possibly do! That and amazing footwear.
If only he knew whose problems they were.
No matter! He has a job to do, and a silly little thing like not knowing what it is is not enough to stop Vandesdelca
...Something is not right here.
Nevertheless, he is compelled. He cannot resist it, no matter how he tries. He will indeed stop everyone he meets on the street, searching for that one person whose bidding he must do. Is it you?]
Excuse me! Wait! Is there something you need help with? Something that requires... cunning?
[Little does he know... it's not just one person.
It's everyone.]
[ridiculous action] but no, that is a bit TOO ridiculous
If it is absent, then I suppose I will have to eat you instead.
[wait- augh-]
[ridiculous action] the power of puns compelled me
But I'm much too small to make a good meal of. [...He is 6'2" and built like a linebacker. Don't worry, this is confusing him too.]
You should let me go instead, and I'll bring a better dinner.
[ridiculous action] ...I was wondering how intentional that was
...not that the content is bothering him, his moral compass barely exists anyways, but all this ham and wait what the hell that human is not small by any definition of the word]
Is that so? You'd better go and get it, then.
...But don't think of trying to slip away. If you do, I'll come after you, and that'll be the end of that!
[ridiculous action] as if it could ever not be
[Yeah, sorry weird mind-talking... cat thing? He's not coming back. Nuh-uh.]
[ridiculous action] 'twas truly ridiculous
[THERE IS A FLYING OGRE LOOKING FOR YOU and eventually finding an excuse to be distracted from this nonsense
today is the strangest day]